Empty Nest

Is it really an empty nest if the baby birds keep tweeting the mama bird?
Although my kids are all gone to college, I hear from them all most everyday. Sometimes they're sharing happy things; sometimes they're complaining; sometimes they're asking for help.
Being home, just me and Earl, certainly doesn't bother me. We're eating whatever and whenever we want. They range from sophisticated adult meals to quick singles food. Salmon burgers and asparagus, brie and raspberry jam, wine, cereal, French toast, pot pies.
We're scheduled to start dance class in a few weeks, and we're spending time with friends, seeing movies.
Still it isn't all smooth sailing.
Tucker got sick the week before he moved to college, and we've been trying to deal with that long distance. First his jaw became sore and swollen where he had his wisdom teeth out in July. The dentist put him on a strong antibiotic.
Then he started dealing with episodes of racing heart, sweating, feeling faint. The possibilities with those symptoms are many.

Tucker on the left with his roommate.

So he went off to school two weeks ago, and he started to feel worse. He became extremely tired. He felt like he was going to pass out when he climbed the stairs to class. He could hardly keep his eyes open during class.
He took the bus home last Thursday evening so he could see the doctor Friday morning then I drove him back to school in time for his Italian class.
But the doctor didn't test him for mono, which I think should always be the first test with tired college students. I wasn't at the appointment, but the doctor debated things like low blood sugar, thyroid, anxiety. Nothing firm was decided, which is the frustrating part. So we just sent him back to school to continue living and going to classes. I wonder if he feels deserted.
This week he called and said his jaw was swollen again. I guess he didn't take his antibiotics the way he was supposed to, even after I warned him about superbacteria and the need to keep the antibiotics in his system.
Now, after two weeks in school, he texted today and asked if he could take a year off from school.
Gulp.
My knee-jerk reaction is, "No! Stay at school." But I've dealt with rough starts before. I know to keep stringing him along week by week until he gets to the end of the semester, like a kitten chasing yarn.
When he called, here were his arguments:
He isn't sure what he wants to do, so his major is undecided.
It feels a lot more like high school than he thought it would.
He just thinks he'd rather get a job and get his own apartment for a year.
I listened to his reasons and then suggested he give it another week and we re-evaluate next Friday.

Spencer in his new dorm room.

I wonder if the girlfriend here at home has anything to do with the wish to come home. And, of course, I'm afraid if he doesn't stick with it that he'll never finish college.
The good news is that Spencer transferred colleges, and he is only an hour and  half away from home. And he's really in his element. His only difficulty so far is the calculus professor who has
such a thick accent Spencer can't understand him. Spencer wrote down the notes the professor put on the board and took them to the math tutor. The math tutor couldn't decipher them either.
One of his fellow students stopped Spencer and thanked him for asking questions in class. Spencer says he tries to repeat back to the professor what he says in hopes that the professor will clarify. It sounds like Spencer is doing all the right things to be successful.
Grace is enjoying her final semester of college. She's living in a house near campus with three theater friends. She's auditioning for shows and spending time with friends.
She has come home the past few weekends, so our nest isn't empty on the weekend, but it's more like a girlfriend sleepover when Grace is here rather than having kids I have to take care of.
So, yes, my nest is technically empty, but my plate is still definitely full.

New College, New Fears

My week has only gotten busier with the start of a new semester and the end of another one. But I wanted to post briefly about Grace's departure to a new college.
Grace has a hard time with change. She always has. And it doesn't matter that she can take along her favorite things, she still hates it at the beginning. So we just have to persevere until she gets to a comfortable place.
The good news is, her new college is only about 20 minutes away. Her old college, if you'll recall, was 10 hours away. To mean, 20 minutes seems much less dire, but for a girl who hates change, she feels the despair that she will never sleep in her own bed again.
We moved her in Wednesday morning with stops for coffee and for her paycheck and at the bank to deposit her paycheck. Earl drove a little pickup truck with Grace's belongings -- small refrigerator, bicycle, bins with clothes --and met us at the dorm.
In her dorm room, third floor, the bed was lofted so the desk and dresser could fit underneath. Grace wanted the bed lowered so Earl wrestled with that. We were all sweating in the tiny heat box of a room.
And then, as sheets were put on the bed and clothes folded into drawers, I had to leave because a new semester of classes began Wednesday, and I had to teach at 12:30. So I gave Grace a hug and kiss then I left to get to class.
I feel so fortunate that she is close enough that I could help drop her off before I had to scoot away.
And, this is very strange, I didn't get any pictures of Grace's room or Grace. I also didn't get any pictures of the three kids together during our family night.
I asked Grace to send a photo and she sent this picture or her room. We forgot to take her posters, obviously.
I replied that I wanted a picture of her, so here's her self portrait.

I guess the jury is still out on this new college. 

Melodrama

Grace has such a hard time with change. After packing and hugs and a thousand goodbyes this morning, she climbed into the car and said:

"Have a nice life without me." 

 

 That was so melodramatic, we both had to laugh then.

I'll miss her, but once she has transitioned, she'll forget all about her old mom. 

Grace Update

For many regular readers, you know that Grace has had an up and down college career. She finished her freshman year last May unsure whether she'd return to her Upstate New York college. She took off autumn semester and went to hang out in France with some French friends and blogging friends. Then she bit the bullet and returned to Upstate New York in January.
So, how's that going?
Super! Thanks for asking!
Although she has been homesick, she has lucked out with the weather. This has been a very mild winter from the Midwest through the Northeast. She has avoided the below zero weather and the thigh-high snow fall.
She started the semester with a roommate she didn't know, but the girl dropped out within a few weeks, leaving behind her microwave and mini refrigerator. So for awhile Grace had a room to herself, until a girl she works with asked if she could move in with Grace. Now she is rooming with Emma, who she gets along with and doesn't spend every minute of the day with -- a healthier relationship. The girls work together doing makeup for stage performances.
Grace settled on a major -- multi lingual studies and she's enjoying her French and Italian classes, along with Oceanography and Global Studies. Plus, she starts German next year and will spend Winter Semester in Vienna next year. Some life, huh?
She says the world of short men continues at her college (Grace is 5-foot, 10-inches) but she has found some good friends and this weekend was initiated into a sorority. One of the first orders of business -- a toga party, of course.
Grace and I talk and text a lot. I miss her, but I'm so thrilled that she is enjoying college and thriving. When her global studies professor returned her essay, he told her she could have it published. Every little blip of success helps to build her up, reminding her what a spectacular young woman she is.