Friday, May 30, 2014

Fretful

Aaargh!
A month of not running culminate today in making me feel restless and unhappy.
I feel like I've overdosed on caffeine. Antsy. Unable to settle.
Everyone is making me irritated. I pace back and forth in the library parking lot talking on the phone to my best friend in faraway Michigan.
She listens to my litany of complaints. He did this... then he did that.
I know, deep down, that the problem is I haven't been able to run since Easter -- April 22.
I set my goal to run 40 days during Lent. And I did it. I ran over 100 miles in the first three weeks of April alone, ignoring the pain that started to build in my heel.
On Easter, I went for a short run. I decided to take a week off to let my foot heal.
The following Saturday, I ran five miles and felt fine, but the day after, the pain was worse than before.
I rested again, trying to run some mornings, but not making it farther than the corner before I turned around and limped home.
My running shoes are up on blocks now.
I go online to diagnose my injury. Could be my achilles tendon. I stretch in bed before getting up. I stretch against the wall. I stretch on the stairs. The pain does not improve. And it doesn't quite match the description of that first step in the morning being the most painful.
Sometimes I wake up at night with my foot in pain because I'm lying on that side and pushing against the side of my foot.
No, I haven't been to the doctor yet. I watch our medical spending account fly away for ridiculous costs that I hadn't expected, and I try not to spend any more on something that I feel sure will heal with just a little more rest.
I try new shoes.
I try old shoes.
I feel my body changing. When I rest my hands on my hips they feel loose and jiggly rather than tight muscle.
I hate it.
And now this, this nervous energy with no place to let it out.
I walk three miles this morning with my friend Sheila. That's the farthest I've walked in a while, but by mid-afternoon, my house full of adult children home for the summer, my husband home on vacation this week -- I feel an itching inside me that no fingernails could ever reach.
I have to run in the morning.
It doesn't matter how much my foot may hurt. That anxiety inside is worse.

8 comments:

Sally Tharpe Rowles said...

Sorry to hear you are suffering. I know how hard it must be not to be able to run. Have you ever tried yoga? It might help with the stretching & relieve stress.

Paulita said...

Thanks, Sally. I walked then ran this morning. And when I got home, I tried 20 minutes of yoga. Some of the poses hurt my injured foot, but I'll keep trying.

Just Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just Me said...

My heart goes out to you as I know very well the state you must be in, not being able to run and therefore feeling like you are somehow not able to be yourself.

Possibly the worse time to expect patience.

Just Me said...

Please disregard any medical advice I might have dispensed. I was diagnosed with Plantar Fasciitis which I hope you don't have because is usually chronic. As you know, I haven't obtained my license to practice in Ohio.

Suzie Tullett said...

I'm late coming to this, but if you're still in pain please go and see the doctor, Paulita. It might get you back running sooner rather than later x

Paulita said...

Thanks, Just Me and Suzie. It is one of the bad things about health care in the United States. Even though we have "good" health care through my husband's work, earlier this year, a 10-minute visit to the doctor cost us $650. Now I'm really hesitant to go because the doctor would be a specialist. It should only cost a $40 co-pay, but that's what the other one was supposed to cost too.
I ran two miles on Saturday after walking some and didn't have pain during the run.
I bought new shoes on Sunday so I'm hoping things keep getting better.

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