Grumpiness Arrives

I'll have to admit that I have felt a little proud of the fact that menopause has not turned me into a monster.
Yes, I gained weight, but over the past few months I've managed to lose 15 pounds so feel fairly healthy.
I have a hot flash every time I drink wine, so I rarely drink any more.
One bullet I thought I had dodged were the mood swings. Since I run four days a week, lift weights three days a week and walk with friends on other days, I credited exercise with helping me avoid screeching at my family and friends.
Yesterday, I ran five miles. Then I walked five miles with my friend Sheila. Then I walked two more miles with my husband as we went to vote and then get coffee. By 11 a.m., I'd gone 12 miles.
In spite of all the exercise, in the past few days though, my moods have taken a turn.

I chewed out a class on Monday when students were looking at their phones rather than listening to my lecture. I warned the next class ahead of time that pulling out their phones would result in ejection from class. They looked at me with fear!
Yesterday, a friend texted to remind me that another friend had a birthday. I felt irritated. I complained to Grace that the friend who texted me has a girl crush on our birthday friend. She follows her outside when she smokes. She switches tables to sit with her.
Was I jealous? Grace asked. Feeling left out?
I don't want that attention myself, but the keenness she lavishes bugs me. I think I'd rather avoid both of them. I might not go to the coffee house for writing group today so I can skip the celebration.
With all of these annoyances building up, you'd think I would have recognized the moodiness, but I still remained blissfully unaware, until a recent email.
Earlier this semester, a student sent a complaint about me. The lead teacher forwarded the email and I responded. The student had come into class late so I didn't let him take the quiz. He became angry and left the room, hitting his backpack against the wall. He said it wasn't anger, but an accident. This student complained about my "caustic rules" and the fact that I didn't let him take the quiz.

After explaining the situation to the lead teacher, I didn't hear back from her for a few weeks. Yesterday, she said the student just "wanted to be heard."
I should have left it at that, but I responded. I said that the English department had always had my back with rules about not accepting late work and I wanted to know what she had said to the student. She replied again that she just listened to the student.
Immediately, I wanted to protest. Did she commiserate with the student about mean old teachers and their stupid rules? She must have said something.
I considered responding. Talking to the chair of the department.
That's when I realized that moodiness had overtaken me.
I'd been juicing today, which meant no coffee, but lemon and ginger water for breakfast. Then I made a beet, sweet potato, apple and grape juice that I drank during my morning classes. By 10 a.m., I knew that I would need to get some coffee.
I stopped by the  book store between classes and ordered a white mocha -- with caffeine. I've been un-addicted to caffeine for years now, since I had surgery on my broken nose.
But caffeine might be a necessary step to avoid snapping at people.
And I might see my weight creep back up as I try to stay calm.
Any advice? Is caffeine and sugar my only hope?

Caffeine

An unintended side effect of this broken nose and surgery is that I have given up caffeine.
I know, it's as hard to make the leap between runnning and broken nose as it is between broken nose and caffeine.

Here I am getting an espresso hit in Paris.

Well, I did indeed fall while running and land on my nose breaking it. And now, I've given up caffeine due to the broken nose.
On Friday, the doctor scheduled surgery at 1:30 to put the bones back in place. That meant I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight. Since I'm not a little kid, I thought this wouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I do have some self control.
I was up at my usual 5, getting things done on the computer. Around the time Tucker woke up for school, my head had started to ache a bit. I'd planned on running a few errands that morning to keep my mind off everything. By 9 a.m. I was lying on the couch with a pounding headache. At 11:30, half an hour before I was to appear for surgery, I was throwing up from the lack of caffeine. Not that I had anything in my stomach...

The morning after surgery, as I stood in front of the espresso maker, remembering how miserable I had felt without caffeine, and knowing that it was currently out of my system, I reached for the decaf.
If you'd asked me, I would have said my favorite thing about coffee in the morning is the flavor. I mix it with steamed milk and add a little sugar. Mmmm.
But, for some reason, the decaf coffee has not tasted as good.
For now, I'll stick with decaf, until the memories of withdrawal fade away. Then I'll probably be back to regular again.

Java Addiction

I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign.

My Starbucks gold card came in the mail yesterday.
I didn't even know they had gold cards.
I may have an addiction.
And Starbucks doesn't even know that I'm getting my other fixes at Caribou Coffee.
Oh, what a world.