Friday, August 26, 2011

Doldrums

This has been a weird week for me. I have been mostly intolerant of other people. For any of you who have been on the receiving end of this, forgive me, but I'm still feeling a little grouchy.
I wish I could say, "Well, it all started with..." But I'm not that self aware.
I can tell you that I first noticed it last Saturday. I'd get all antsy in the middle of a conversation and just want to be finished talking or listening or being with people. The possibility exists that it started before last Saturday, I just hadn't noticed.
I can also tell you the heighth, or depth, of my doldrums came on Wednesday. That's when a discussion with Tucker led to him leaving for school without kissing me goodbye. I put my hand out and grabbed his bicep. He jerked his arm away from me.
"Can I have a kiss?" I asked as he pulled away.
"No," he said moving toward the door.
"Just let him go," said my husband. And my anger, perhaps wrongfully, surged toward my husband instead of my teenage son.
I dragged myself to work and my students got some half-hearted teaching that day.
I took to the couch when I got home, hoping a nap would help. I considered skipping the back-to-school night. That's when the parents go through their kids' class schedules and get to meet all the teachers. The idea of trying to juggle both boys' schedules seemed too daunting. Why did I even care? They would probably do fine.
But, I got a text from an acquaintance about a college visit and she asked if I'd be at the school, so I went.
By the time I had finished, I actually felt better, a little more upbeat.
But today again, a day when I didn't have to teach, I dreaded going to lunch and a movie with an old friend. While we ate, I winced at her abruptness to the waiter. I felt like I was cataloging her faults. I would never want someone to feel that way about a visit with me.
Everyone fended for themselves for dinner. I offered halfheartedly to make some macaroni and cheese for Tucker. I would have loved to curl up on the couch again with some mindless TLC shows, but the first high school football game is tonight. Grace asked me to go.
We'll walk in together. She'll see some of her former classmates. Squeals of joy will ensue and I'll find some other acquaintance to sit with. That's fine. It makes me leave the house and gives me a chance to spy on the boys while they are in their high school environment.
I'm not sure where these doldrums came from, but I'm ready for them to move on.
Sorry if I haven't been there to distract you this week with my witty bon mots. Maybe things will improve next week.

7 comments:

judi said...

i've missed you.
btw: i think you are very self-aware. i never realize that i have been in the dumps 'till well after the fact.
thanks for sharing; it helps me remember that i'm not the only one......

(Diane) Bibliophile By the Sea said...

I hope things perk up for you this coming week. The ebb and flow of life and motherhood. I'm sure your son did not intentionally want to hurt you.

Linda said...

I'm feeling a bit of the same. I think it has to do with family problems and not so nice weather doesn't help.

Linda said...

PS-you are the only Paulita I know and I think you won something at Corey's blog, Tongue in Cheek.

Lucia said...

I often get them, I think that's why I don't blog as often. I was thinking of you the other day while driving home from work. I pulled over and put the blackberry in it's holster and recorded a little video with intentions of posting it. I haven't yet. I hope to. :)

Paulita said...

Hey Everyone, Thanks for your words of encouragement. It helps to know that I'm not alone, even if I would only get annoyed with you if you were close by! :) I'm going back to more intense running next week to see if that helps lift my spirits.

Stephanie said...

Well, that week sure sucked.

Here's hoping that this week is much improved in the emotional department. It is NOT fun feeling like that, especially when you can't put a finger on the source.

France BookTours -- That Spring in Paris

I can't imagine running to Paris for an emergency instead of for sheer pleasure, but that's what happens in That Spring in Paris b...