Grumpitude

You ever have those weeks where you're just grumpy with people?
I may be having one of those months... or years.
Maybe I could blame it on impending menopause. I hear that makes women grumpy. But I don't want to cop out. Even if I have raging hormones, I'm going to be responsible for my actions -- emails and telephone calls.
I could blame it on the college bills. If you don't live in the United States, you may not be aware of the cost of college. For most state schools, the bill is around $20,000 per year if a kid lives on campus.
My kids both go to private schools, but they provide grants and financial aid to get the cost down to about $20,000 each. That means $40,000 per year with two kids in school. That is bound to make anyone grumpy, right?

I was pretty grumpy here, but because I  needed
chocolate, not because of menopause or college bills.

Actually, being grumpy has helped some.
I appealed to one of the kids' colleges for more financial aid and the director responded that we should see how much we could get in parent loans first. I didn't even think about it so that I could write a measured response to her. I just fired back that of course, we could take out thousands of dollars in parent loans, but we weren't really willing to do that, and then I threatened that we really hoped our kid could continue to attend her college.
I didn't hear from her for 6 days and I felt pretty sheepish about my snippy (bitchy?) attitude.
Today, she emailed that we had an extra $1500 grant. See, $1500 for a college isn't that much. $1500 for us off a kid's college bill is huge.
So I got serious about our budget and looked for places to cut monthly costs. I decided we are spending too much on internet and cable TV services. I hate to change my email address, so I called Time Warner to see how much it would cost for Internet only. I hoped they might give us a better deal on internet and TV so I wouldn't have to deal with changing it. But I got sidetracked by a woman who said I couldn't change my service because I was in a contract with Time Warner.
"Wait!" I said. "My contract ended in March."
"But we sent you a letter and if you didn't reply then you entered into another contract," the woman said.
"I'm pretty sure that's not a binding contract," I said. "You can't have the opt-out or you enter a new contract."
And that was pretty much the end of me getting anything accomplished. I asked for a manager. I was shuffled from place to place. I made a complaint with the Ohio Attorney General's office to make sure others didn't get caught in the non opt-out contract.
But I never got my internet and cable TV bill lowered. I kind of backed myself into a corner where all I can do now is switch everything to another company.
Again, by the end of the day, I felt kind of bitchy.
Yesterday, before the humidity got too bad, I ran 6 miles. That helped me blow off some steam. Today, I only went 3 miles.
So far today, I haven't been mean to anyone, but I still have to go teach tonight. I'll try to shove the grump monster back in its place.

Working Blues

Is it possible to be this tired after working only three days this year?
I feel like such a wimp. (Does anybody use that word anymore?)
I'm sitting at my computer, waiting for Spencer so I can drop him at school before I go teach -- my fourth workday of 2012. My energy is fine right now, but yesterday evening, I was a limp rag, and grumpy. I expect the same results after I work today.
The thing is, I don't even work regular hours like most people do, which gives me even less reason to be so exhausted.
I do have two days this quarter where I work 8 to 12 then come home for the afternoon and work 6 til 10 p.m. That's what I did Wednesday, which probably added to my tiredness. And I could point out that the evening class is north of the city and I have to leave about 5:15 to get there. Still, when you add up all the hours that I'm physically teaching, it's not much compared to the hours most people work.
My husband, always on my side, would point out that I spend a lot of hours at home preparing for class and grading papers. I can't shake the feeling that if I had to work a regular 9 to 5 job, I'd never make it.
Last night, I knew I had to go to the grocery store. We were out of milk and eggs. Tucker needed snacks for a swim team trip this weekend. I sat on the edge of the couch, ready to pull myself up and go to the store -- for an hour and a half before I finally shoved myself out the door.
I patted myself on the back for having prepared dinner every evening after work, but when I walked in from the grocery store and the sink was still full of dishes while my teenagers lounged around the house, I wanted to scream. Well, I might have done a little yelling.
And the teenagers weren't lounging all day. Two went to school, one went to jury duty. Two had sports practices and one volunteered in the high school costume shop for the upcoming musical. Then they lounged.
The scary thing is that I like my job but I'm still feeling over my head trying to keep up.
How about you? Are you exhausted after work or does it just take some adapting to the new year?

Doldrums

This has been a weird week for me. I have been mostly intolerant of other people. For any of you who have been on the receiving end of this, forgive me, but I'm still feeling a little grouchy.
I wish I could say, "Well, it all started with..." But I'm not that self aware.
I can tell you that I first noticed it last Saturday. I'd get all antsy in the middle of a conversation and just want to be finished talking or listening or being with people. The possibility exists that it started before last Saturday, I just hadn't noticed.
I can also tell you the heighth, or depth, of my doldrums came on Wednesday. That's when a discussion with Tucker led to him leaving for school without kissing me goodbye. I put my hand out and grabbed his bicep. He jerked his arm away from me.
"Can I have a kiss?" I asked as he pulled away.
"No," he said moving toward the door.
"Just let him go," said my husband. And my anger, perhaps wrongfully, surged toward my husband instead of my teenage son.
I dragged myself to work and my students got some half-hearted teaching that day.
I took to the couch when I got home, hoping a nap would help. I considered skipping the back-to-school night. That's when the parents go through their kids' class schedules and get to meet all the teachers. The idea of trying to juggle both boys' schedules seemed too daunting. Why did I even care? They would probably do fine.
But, I got a text from an acquaintance about a college visit and she asked if I'd be at the school, so I went.
By the time I had finished, I actually felt better, a little more upbeat.
But today again, a day when I didn't have to teach, I dreaded going to lunch and a movie with an old friend. While we ate, I winced at her abruptness to the waiter. I felt like I was cataloging her faults. I would never want someone to feel that way about a visit with me.
Everyone fended for themselves for dinner. I offered halfheartedly to make some macaroni and cheese for Tucker. I would have loved to curl up on the couch again with some mindless TLC shows, but the first high school football game is tonight. Grace asked me to go.
We'll walk in together. She'll see some of her former classmates. Squeals of joy will ensue and I'll find some other acquaintance to sit with. That's fine. It makes me leave the house and gives me a chance to spy on the boys while they are in their high school environment.
I'm not sure where these doldrums came from, but I'm ready for them to move on.
Sorry if I haven't been there to distract you this week with my witty bon mots. Maybe things will improve next week.