Stormy Fifteen

Last night, after dropping Tucker at swim practice, my eyes blurry with tears, I planned the blog post I would write. He turns 15 today and our relationship is stormy.
As a child, he loved me most ferociously. No one else would do for Tuck. He had to have Mama.
Now as a teenager, he hates with an equal passion.
Oh, I know that this will pass. I know he is marching toward an adulthood where his strength will be an asset, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with him now.
I see him wince at every word I say. Any suggestion, any observation, any witticism is like a dagger in his teenage heart.
I spent the day shopping for the list of clothes he requested for his birthday, entering stores where the music is too loud, the lights are low and the scent of cologne burns the inside of my nose.

As he berated me on the drive to swim team, he couldn't know that I had skipped the Statehouse Rally to make his birthday special.
Earl called me as he walked past the rally on his way to work. People chanted. Bands played.
"Those are for people who don't have a kid having a birthday tomorrow," I explained to him as I walked past the Cinnabon inhaling deeply.

He also had no clue that his girlfriend and I were coordinating a surprise birthday party.

So all of those thoughts were racing through my brain as I went back home. I helped Grace with a French project by phone and nearly fell asleep before it was time to pick Tucker up from swim practice.
He got in the car and I decided to begin my birthday present to him. Silence. I would make no comments that would make him cringe. I would say nothing for most of the day.
"What's wrong? You okay? You tired?" he asked after a minute of silence.
So I broke my silence to say I was fine.

"You know, it's amazing how much better I feel after some exercise," he said.
Don't even get me started. I wanted to bat him upside the head. But I went back to silence instead.
I'll take the good mood when it comes and check out the sky for a blue moon while I'm at it.

Teenagers

My Saturday night was spent not just dogsitting, but chaperoning this motley crew of 14-year-olds who arrived to celebrate Tucker's birthday.
If you'll recall, last year Tucker had the worst birthday ever. It included walking to school (late) in below zero weather. Getting two detentions. Not receiving the special lunch Earl dropped off for him so he had nothing to eat. And Earl learning that day that the newspaper was planning layoffs and he might lose his job, so we contemplated returning the birthday present.
I was determined that this year's birthday would be better and it was. After school I took him and five boys to a pizza place. Then this weekend we planned this party.
Tucker, out of all of my children, is presenting a challenge as he enters these teenage years. And sometimes I feel exasperated. At my wits' end.
Then I see my friend Ruth struggling with her son's anxieties that debilitate him. I see my other friend waiting to learn the results of her biopsy.
Each of us is walking our own path and sometimes things seem unbearable, but mostly just looking up from the path shows us that others have a more difficult climb. It reminds me to stop complaining.
I struggle to remember that the hardest and the easiest thing to do when a child wears me down, is to give him a hug and don't let go for a long while.

Day Off

Not a day off for me, but when I finished giving my final exam this morning, I went to the middle school and said (authoritatively), "I need Tucker." The secretary, who is even shorter than I am, scurried to the schedule book and then went to the speaker contraption. "Mr. Page," she said. "Do you have Tucker? He's going to be leaving."
Then I signed my name, pressing especially hard on the pencil, to where it said, "Parent Signature." Under reason, other parents had written "sick," "ill," "orthodontist." I wrote, "Needed at home."
Tucker joined me. We didn't speak and didn't look from side to side as we walked purposefully toward the car. Once inside, we both relaxed a little.
"Panera or UDF?" I asked.
"UDF. Hmmm," he said.
So we drove to United Dairy Farmer and ordered milk shakes, even though it was only 10:30 in the morning. We did some Christmas decorating and Tucker watched the new Star Trek movie with his dad, who is off this week and feeling under the weather.
Earl isn't a big proponent of allowing children to miss school for no reason. I, on the other hand, think most days at school could be better spent. This may be my prejudice because I homeschooled for all of those years, but I don't get why school can't be half as long. Maybe they only need to go in the afternoons. Or maybe they could go in the morning and get out at noon.
When they're participating in sports or play or choir, they aren't allowed to miss any part of the school day, unless they bring a doctor's note. So Spencer and Grace are stuck at school all day, everyday. Spencer wouldn't dream of missing practice and Grace has already missed too many days of school for college visits. She's not staying home without a doctor's note. So I'll enjoy the time I have with the one child who isn't in high school.
He's not sick. He just wanted a day at home to hang out. And I know how he feels. Wouldn't we all?
My husband, and others, warn this will lead to a bad work ethic. What about when he's expected to work every day? Will he just call off for no reason?
Maybe, but then people who were forced to go to school everyday sometimes call off work for no reason too. So I don't think we're causing him irreparable harm. I'll let you know if he's still living in the basement when he's 30 and he asks me to call the boss to say, "Tucker's needed at home today."