Sad Update

Yesterday, I wrote about my Uncle Junior before attending his visitation service last night.
My Aunt Esther valiantly perched on a stool by my uncle's coffin throughout the evening, not leaving her post for two hours as the line stretched through the room.
She made each person there feel a specific part of her life and my uncle's life.
"You know each niece and nephew is loved, but there was always something special about you," she confided.
She even asked, as she squeezed my hands, when she was going to get a copy of my latest novel. I promised I would hand deliver it in the next few weeks.
I spent the night at my brother's house, but drove home before the funeral because I had to teach.
Just a little while ago, my mother texted the sad news that Aunt Esther fell and broke her leg last night. She did not make it to her husband's funeral because she needed surgery.
I can't imagine the pain and indecision her children faced as they tried to decide whether to postpone the service since their mother couldn't be there -- whether to be at their mother's side or their father's funeral.
I hope Aunt Esther heals quickly, even though she faces some sad times without Uncle Junior by her side.

Something Bad Equals Good Karma

Did you ever notice that we have to have something bad happen in our lives before we give credit to good karma?
I realized that myself after I wrote a blog post in August about having good karma. My car key had broken, and the planets aligned to allow me to get the key replaced and get to work on time. What good luck, I thought. I didn't even consider what bad luck that my key broke.
Later that same day, I had another incident of what I considered good karma.
But it was as I was lying on my back on the ground, that I realized: yes, I was very lucky not to have broken my head open, but I was kind of unlucky to be lying on the ground in the first place.
Grace and I decided to try roller blading.
I used to be pretty skilled at roller blading. When Grace and Spencer were little, before Tucker was even born, I'd swoop up and down the streets of our Michigan town while pushing a double stroller with the kids in it. I had promised my husband that if he bought me a double stroller, I'd have the best ass in the neighborhood because I would use it to roller blade everywhere. I probably got close to that goal.
I continued roller blading as our kids grew and as we moved to Columbus, Ohio. Then, about 12 years ago, I was skating around the block with Tucker and Spencer. Grace was probably curled up at home with a book. My husband had traveled to Florida for a work conference. I lost control of my roller blades and hit the curb head on. I heard a pop from my knee and I lay in the grass knowing something was truly wrong with my knee.
The boys, ages 6 and 8, skated over and looked down at me in fear. I could see tears in Spencer's eyes as he felt my pain and wondered how to help.
"Just give me a minute," I told the boys.
Dad was gone so he couldn't come get me. The boys suggested they'd skate home and get the wagon. Then they could pull the wagon with me in it.
The idea of standing up was excruciating. Lowering myself into then climbing out of a wagon seemed beyond my capabilities.
After a few minutes, I had the boys help me stand. I kept my left knee, the injured one, bent and tried to put all my weight on the right one. The boys both held my hands and pulled me slowly along until we reached home.
I found out later that weekend that I had torn my ACL -- a ligament in my knee. A few months later surgery and physical therapy helped make it as a good as new, but I never went back to regular roller blading.
So on that August day that started with a broken car key, I convinced Grace that we should do some roller blading, but I couldn't find my roller blades. I searched through the box with probably six pairs of roller blades. Mine weren't there.
I put on another pair that the kids had worn at some point during their growing up period. They all have bigger feet than I do now. The roller blades fit, but they didn't roll very well.
Grace and I went around the block and it was a lot of work. I decided to try another pair. Oh my gosh, the second I put them on I was rolling out of control. There didn't seem to be a way to stop myself, which is why I ended up falling on the sidewalk near the garage door.
"Whoomp!"
I feel backward, which is lucky for a woman who broke her nose falling forward two years ago.
I landed hard on my butt and the palm of one hand before I fell the rest of the way onto my back.
I just lay there on the ground, assessing any injuries I might have incurred. Everything seemed okay. I'd be bruised, but nothing broken.
I was wearing overall shorts and my phone was in the pocket on the front. When I fell back, the phone tumbled onto my chest. That's when I thought, my running friends would probably appreciate a picture of me lying on my back from my latest fall.
I held the phone up and snapped a picture.
Then I looked at the picture.

I was shocked to discover that the top of my head was only an inch away from the wooden box garden that held our strawberries. If I'd fallen just a second sooner, my head would have hit that wooden wall and my injuries might have been much more serious.
Good karma, I thought immediately. But wait a minute, would I even have thought of my good karma if I hadn't had the bad karma to fall.
I haven't been roller blading lately, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I might need some new ones for Christmas, and next time, I'm definitely wearing a helmet. I can't count on good karma for everything.

Money and Pain

I made a medical decision this week based on money.
I know it's something that a lot of people have to do, and I'm hoping I won't regret it because it wasn't about me, it was about Tucker.
At the first swim meet of the year, on the concrete blocks diving in, his right foot slipped as he dove. The left leg hit hard against the concrete block.
The crowd  went "Oooooh" as he hit the water.
I was timing in his lane, and I didn't think about him being hurt. I watched to see if he would force himself to catch up with the boy beside him, cause he hates to lose, even if it is because of a bad start. He finished the race, a 100 butterfly, but finished just behind the boy next to him.

This is a photo from a summer ago as Tucker swam the butterfly

Again, I was standing behind the blocks not too concerned, except thinking he would be mad that he had slipped. But the boy next to him turned and said, "Are you okay, Tucker? I heard you fall."
And the coach came to the edge of the pool and said, "Did you hurt yourself, Tucker?"
Later she said she was worried that he had pulled something because of the awkward start.
When Tucker hoisted himself out of the pool, he wouldn't put any weight on his left leg and he had a knot on his shin.
The boy next to him helped him to a chair and one of the dads, who is a sports medicine doctor, went over to look at Tucker. I kept timing and didn't think much about it.
I heard the doctor saying, "Do you feel nauseated?" and Tucker nodded. He was shaking and pale. A couple of guys helped him get to the room where the kids rest between events and Tucker lay down. The doctor kept telling him to slow down his breathing because he was going to hyperventilate.
Tucker put his hoodie over his face and breathed into it. I think he was hiding tears.
We got some Advil for him to take and after a few minutes of hovering above him, he told me to leave, he'd be fine. So I went back to timing.
Then someone came in and told me Tucker was throwing up.
The doctor and I both went back to check on him. About half an hour had passed and he was still in a lot of pain, pale and shaking, along with throwing up. The doctor said he didn't think the bone was broken, but we should take Tucker to the emergency room for x-rays.

This is what I wanted to do to make Tucker feel better
but he isn't a toddler anymore

The doctor later explained that the shin is one of the most painful places to be injured because there's nothing between the skin and the bone.
Two guys helped carry Tucker out to the car, acting like human crutches. Tucker still couldn't put any weight on his hurt leg.
In the dark of the car, Tucker reclined the seat and I slowly began to drive in the direction of the Children's Hospital.
I heard his breathing slow down as the car passed through the lighted streets. I had his phone in my pocket and I set it in the console between us. He didn't pick it up, which really worried me. Teenagers are rarely witout their phones.
I started talking to Tucker about the pain and the hospital.
I didn't say it, but I was thinking about the $200 co-pay the minute we walked in the emergency room.
Unfortunately, my earlier bout with a broken nose and surgery to correct it had depleted all of the money we had in our Medical Savings Account. A trip to the emergency room for me, plus surgery probably cost us a total of $2000, and that's with our good insurance. From here on, we were footing the bills directly from our checking account, which pays for two kids to go to college.
I didn't want to choose not to go to the ER because of money.
We decided to take a night to think about it. If we needed xrays the next morning, the doctor could send us to a walk-in place rather than the ER.
So we got back to the house and I ran in to grab the crutches. He was able to get into the house and ease himself into a recliner, where he sat for the rest of the night.
He started feeling well enough to drink some ginger ale and eat some pretzels. Later I gave him a bowl of macaroni and cheese.
This morning, he goes for his scheduled physical so we'll know more. The pain is less, but he still can't put weight on the front of his foot. He may yet go in for xrays. I hate having to make medical decisions based on money, but I know people do it every day in this country. That's crazy.
How about you? Do you put off medical care because of money?