Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Let Me Take You To - Funk Town

Things were sliding downhill this morning. Actually, it started last night. I'd have to say my overall mood was verklempt, to borrow a word from the Yiddish.
When the realization finally dawned on me that I was feeling sad, I tried to pin it down. I'm not that aware of how I'm feeling until I bite someone's head off, or, like last night, wander from the dishes in the sink to the laundry in the wash without accomplishing either. I just wanted someone else to come take care of it, and I knew my papers were waiting to be graded.
So, pop, came the realization that I was a little down. Then I needed to figure out why.
1.Today is the championship swim meet for the summer league and I work from 8 to 3. Oh, sure, I have some time while I sit in the classroom and the students are researching their essays, but I can't drive the 20 minutes to cheer on my kids and get back to collect papers.
2. Next week is the national swim meet that Grace will be swimming in. My husband will take her, Spencer and the French girl to Washington DC. I will stay home with Tucker. I will work all week and wish that I was there to watch her or to drive to the Jefferson Memorial at night and watch the lights reflect on the water.
3.Work, maybe overwork, is getting to me a little bit. I haven't read a book in weeks. I don't have time. Sometimes I'll sit down with papers to grade while my husband has the Tour de France on, but that's as close as I've been to leisure time lately. Unless my morning runs count as leisure time, but often they seem like work too.
4.Seeing Grace's itchiness, her need for alone time, while we have our house guest worries me about her ability to go away to college and live in such close proximity to other people. Why am I worrying about something so far in the future?

So this morning, I found someone to give them a ride to the swim meet. They had to be there at 7:40 and my class started at 8. A friend said she'd pick them up at 6:30. She likes to get there early. At 6:15, I roused them. They complained. I fixed bagels and cream cheese. I gathered folding chairs and blankets and a bag of food supplies. We waited until 7:05 when the ride finally showed up. Am I allowed to be pissed at someone who is doing me a favor?
I finished getting ready for work, rushed to campus so I could print off the essay assignment, and the computers had all been disconnected from the printer. I couldn't print the assignment which I was giving the students today.
Bummed. I pushed the button for the elevator to go down three floors. Dead silence from the elevator shafts. Both of them.
I finally open the door of my classroom, a few minutes late, feeling even more verklempt when there, on the table next to my desk is a Tim Horton's box. Chad, one of my students, brought me donuts!! Donuts? That's the nicest thing anyone has done for me, well, today anyway.
I sent them off to the library.
"You should have a starting pistol," one of the students said.
"When I bite into the donut, go," I said. I held up the donut with crystallized sugar on it. "And, go." I bit into the donut and my day took a turn.


Linda said...

I'm sorry you are missing so much with work. Isn't it nice to have a doughnut or cookie to brighten up your day? I hope you get to do something to refresh yourself soon.

Maybe its the weather... said...

I CAN RELATE. My sympathies will be with you this week.

How the heck do we work a job and really have a balanced life. My job always gets first dibs on my time and energy. What little time is left is divided amongst my most dearest of loved ones.

Unfortunately the older I get, the less emotional energy I have left after work gets done with me. That is where my relationships are really losing out; where I am really losing out.

Oh well, this is your day to whine not mine.

Stephanie said...

This is the 2nd time in my life that I have seen the word "verklempt." Is it a coincidence that in both instances, the writer had a journalistic background, but not a "Yiddish" one?

Wouldn't it be ideal to have a career that actually rejuvenated us instead of sucking away at our souls?

Paulita said...

That's a novel idea. Work should be rejuvenating.

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