Adapting

My friend Stephanie teared up on Saturday when she talked about her daughter going back to college. She couldn't think about it, much less bear to watch her leave the house and return to the college two hours away.
It's times like this, that I realize I may be lacking in some basic emotions. It's not like I love my kids any less, I'm just not overly emotional about them heading off to college or France or wherever their lives take them.
I've hypothesized before that I'm less emotional about it because I homeschooled them and I feel like I've spent plenty of hours getting them prepared for life beyond home. But I think something else has helped prepare me too.

Three years ago in March, my husband found out that the newspaper was laying off employees. We found out the next day that Earl wasn't laid off, but he was moved to the evening shift. This left him home during the day. Since I am an adjunct college teacher, I'm sometimes home during the day too. We had to learn how to adapt to new schedules and learned how to enjoy time together while the kids were gone to school.
Sometimes we walk downtown to get coffee, other times we venture out for lunch or ride our bicycles. Sometimes, we just watch sitcom reruns. We've remembered what we enjoyed about each other before the kids came along.
I think this alone time together has helped prepare me for the empty nest that is coming. This year Spencer will graduate and head off to college. Two years later, Tucker will follow suit. Then, unless Grace comes home after college, Earl and I will be home alone throughout the school year.
The idea is certainly different. No basketball games or swim meets or musicals or orthodontist appointments. No big shoes strewn across the kitchen floor. No pile of wet towels waiting to be washed. And no one to stretch up to on tiptoes so I can kiss their stubbly cheeks goodbye as they head out the door for school.
I imagine that if Earl is still working evenings, cooking dinner will go by the wayside. I'll probably settle for a bowl of cereal or a salad.
Even as I strain to hear the back door slam with the approach of oncoming teenage boy feet home from school, I don't feel teary at the idea they'll have moved on.
I'm not a martyr taking a stiff upper lip as they move on, and I'm not so selfish that I can't wait until they go. It just feels right that the kids take up new challenges. They live in a college dorm full of other tall boys and girls who dance and watch Disney films. They are busy carving out their own niches now.
And luckily, I'll still have days filled with my husband and dreams of traveling to exotic places.

More Tears

Just when you think the plane could be coming in for a smooth landing, things get bumpy again. Grace has been accepted at her number one college so things should be good.
Adding to her jubilation, this week, she found out she was nominated for Scholar Athlete. The newspaper asks each high school to nominate a male and female athlete. They get pictures and articles in the sports section of the newspaper, and 17 students are chosen to share a big pool of scholarship money. Grace was on cloud nine. The athletic director picked her from all the other female athletes in the school, including some with well-known parents. She learned that the athletic director talked to teachers and coaches before making her decision, so somewhere teachers and coaches are saying nice things about her. She felt like she had won for once.
Of course, the fly in the ointment, my husband works for the local newspaper. So he felt the need to clarify whether Grace was actually eligible to receive the scholarship money. After several rounds of phone calls, he found that although she could receive the plaque and the newspaper publicity, she couldn't receive the scholarship money since Earl works at the paper.
When I told Grace, she cried, leaving a wet spot on the leg of my pants. "I should give it back to them and let them choose someone else," she sobbed.
It's hard to know the right thing to do. Should Grace get the acknowledgement from the school and the city, or should she give up her spot to let another student at her high school have a chance at the scholarship?
I suppose even considering whether to return it means she's going to be okay either way. She thinks about doing the responsible things. Maybe she could be on one of those insurance commercials about people who do the right thing. Think she could get a scholarship for that?