End of Empty-Nest November

And so, the bliss that was Empty-Nest November comes to an end this afternoon when my youngest, 18-year-old Tucker, takes the bus home from college for Thanksgiving week.
And honestly, even when the kids aren't around to take care of physically, they're still in my minds and on my phone.
We've drunk a lot of wine. Eaten some delicious meals, and skipped cooking other meals when we didn't feel like it. We've had friends over and met friends out, at our whim.
We have enjoyed the extra freedom of not having the kids at home this month, but I do still miss them. I think I'll be ready for some bonding time when they arrive. Grace and Spencer will be home on Tuesday.
So for this, my last morning kid-free, I went for a glorious 6-mile run with weather in the mid-40s. It feels like spring compared to this past week of ice and snow.
I fixed myself a breakfast of raspberries and yogurt with honey, along with a cappuccino. And  one last splurge, I baked some chocolate croissants for Earl and me to enjoy while we spend our morning writing and trying to catch up on NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

I'll still be doing many of these things once the kids are home, but I won't be my first priority any more. Every mother knows what that's like. And although it may induce a little guilt to put ourselves first, there's nothing wrong with it every once in a while, like during Empty-Nest November.

Empty-Nest November

I have officially declared the month Empty-Nest November.
I do this because people always ask me, "What's it like being an empty-nester?"
And my response is, "I have no idea! My children are home all the time."
When all three kids left for college at the end of August, we anticipated missing them. But it was a rough start with Tucker being sick. He was home most every weekend and some days before and after the weekend to visit the doctor or the dentist. Finally, around the end of September, he was healthy, but the weekends home were well established. Add to that, the fact that his girlfriend lives here in town, and we still see him every other weekend.

Tucker obviously having a horrible
time at the campus Halloween party.

The university luckily has a bus that he can take home, so we haven't been able to ban him from returning. What it means, is like a baby and toddler who doesn't bond with his parents, he hasn't really been able to bond with his college. He's drawn back to Columbus, a town that is easy to love.
So the last day of October, first weekend in November, Tucker sat down with me and Earl to explain why he didn't want to go back to his college in January. Instead, he wants to stay in Columbus. He'll attend the local community college and transfer to Ohio State.
Earl and I were really opposed to this. Then the fight began about whether he'd have to live at home or could get an apartment. We stuck to our guns, saying he wasn't old enough or responsible enough to get an apartment. He could live at home while going to school and then move into the dorms at Ohio State in the fall.
So, if he follows through with this, come the middle of December, he'll be home until August. Earl and I have a whole list of conditions for Tucker, and one of those includes that he must stay on campus the entire month of November until Thanksgiving. He also has to join two clubs and sign up for classes in January, just in case he changes mind. (Fingers crossed!). We told him he'd have to work while living at home and that he needed to be "more pleasant" to Earl and me.
If I was a teenager, I'd definitely go back to living in the dorms in January and plan to transfer the following year, but we'll see what he decides.

Grace at a recent audition, slowly
recovering from her illness. 

Also cutting down on our empty-nest days this fall is the fact that Grace has been ill for weeks. After two weeks of believing she had the flu, the health center finally declared she had mono or strep. Since the treatment for strep and mono are very different, Earl picked Grace up and took her to our doctor where they did actual tests and decided Grace had mono.
She hasn't been that sick since she was a baby. Her fever continued for days. She was miserable and too weak to make her own coffee in the mornings. So she was home for a week and every weekend trying to recover, through this past Monday.
Thus, my call for Empty-Nest November.
Whether Tucker transfers colleges or not, our empty-nest days are still coming to an end. Grace will graduate from college in December. With her degree in Theater, she may face a long audition period before she gets a job in her field. We decided that it didn't make sense to continue to pay rent on her apartment by her college, so she'll be moving home until she has a full-time job.
If we knew that she was staying in Columbus, we'd definitely  help her get settled in an apartment here, but she may end up anywhere. She's going to audition for cruise ships in December, so she could be out of the house in January.
Earl and I are prepared for a longer period of grown-children invasion. But as we look back at our brief empty-nest period, we feel like we hardly got to enjoy it. So we're really splurging in November.
We ordered pizza with mushrooms on it the other night, something the kids would never eat. I'm rarely cooking these days, and when I do, only cooking things that I really want!
Earl and I realize that someday we'll wish our kids would come home more often, but until then, how can we miss them if they won't go away?
We'll delight in Empty-Nest November and look forward to some family time through the holidays.

Feathering My Empty Nest

Does anyone else find that the more time you have, the less you get done?
Of course, I'm still working, and my Tuesday did consist of grading 90 rough drafts of essays -- comments and corrections. But I've also found plenty of time to enjoy life.
I lingered over coffee with Leah on Sunday. On Tuesday, I worked out with my friend Pam before walking to get coffee with Sheila.
On Wednesday when I finished teaching classes at noon, I smuggled my husband out of work and we went for a long lunch.

My phone camera is acting up, so I didn't get the earlier shots of
him smiling. We got to sit outside, which was nice.

We were picking up a car that was in the shop for repairs and had to take it to Grace at school. In between the shop and Grace's college is Easton Towne Center, which has a lovely French restaurant called Bon Vie.
I was finished working for the day, so I indulged in a glass of peach sangria.

It was as yummy as it looks.

My turkey and brie sandwich was accompanied with fries, or frites as we might say in France, served in a cute cup.

Earl had pasta with goat cheese.
This week, I've spent some afternoons in the backyard working on a new novel, typing away at my computer as the weather blew from hot to cooler.
Then this morning, after a sweaty, but lovely, 5-mile run, I met my friend Emily for coffee.
I'm not feeling lonely or at loose ends because my children have moved on to college. I still hear from them pretty much every day, including last-minute phone calls about great houses they want to lease for next year.
Health concerns. Emotional concerns.
Frustrations with classes or professors.
Even though they're not home any more, they're still very much embedded in my day-to-day life.
I know that Earl and I are not alone. We run into couples srolling around our little town. They're walking the dog or going for coffee or stopping for drinks.
I feel so fortunate that in my life, I didn't decide to focus only on my children, but cultivated outside interests. Friends, teaching, writing, and spending time with my husband have all helped ease my transition into the empty nest.
Still, this morning after a run, coffee, and a trip to the library, I have felt free to fritter away my time rather than doing something productive, like folding clothes, vacuuming, grading papers, or writing. I have to teach later tonight so my free time will end.
That's okay, I deserve some time to browse the  newspaper then flit from site to site online for a morning. I'm sure I'll be more productive this afternoon.

Empty Nest

Is it really an empty nest if the baby birds keep tweeting the mama bird?
Although my kids are all gone to college, I hear from them all most everyday. Sometimes they're sharing happy things; sometimes they're complaining; sometimes they're asking for help.
Being home, just me and Earl, certainly doesn't bother me. We're eating whatever and whenever we want. They range from sophisticated adult meals to quick singles food. Salmon burgers and asparagus, brie and raspberry jam, wine, cereal, French toast, pot pies.
We're scheduled to start dance class in a few weeks, and we're spending time with friends, seeing movies.
Still it isn't all smooth sailing.
Tucker got sick the week before he moved to college, and we've been trying to deal with that long distance. First his jaw became sore and swollen where he had his wisdom teeth out in July. The dentist put him on a strong antibiotic.
Then he started dealing with episodes of racing heart, sweating, feeling faint. The possibilities with those symptoms are many.

Tucker on the left with his roommate.

So he went off to school two weeks ago, and he started to feel worse. He became extremely tired. He felt like he was going to pass out when he climbed the stairs to class. He could hardly keep his eyes open during class.
He took the bus home last Thursday evening so he could see the doctor Friday morning then I drove him back to school in time for his Italian class.
But the doctor didn't test him for mono, which I think should always be the first test with tired college students. I wasn't at the appointment, but the doctor debated things like low blood sugar, thyroid, anxiety. Nothing firm was decided, which is the frustrating part. So we just sent him back to school to continue living and going to classes. I wonder if he feels deserted.
This week he called and said his jaw was swollen again. I guess he didn't take his antibiotics the way he was supposed to, even after I warned him about superbacteria and the need to keep the antibiotics in his system.
Now, after two weeks in school, he texted today and asked if he could take a year off from school.
Gulp.
My knee-jerk reaction is, "No! Stay at school." But I've dealt with rough starts before. I know to keep stringing him along week by week until he gets to the end of the semester, like a kitten chasing yarn.
When he called, here were his arguments:
He isn't sure what he wants to do, so his major is undecided.
It feels a lot more like high school than he thought it would.
He just thinks he'd rather get a job and get his own apartment for a year.
I listened to his reasons and then suggested he give it another week and we re-evaluate next Friday.

Spencer in his new dorm room.

I wonder if the girlfriend here at home has anything to do with the wish to come home. And, of course, I'm afraid if he doesn't stick with it that he'll never finish college.
The good news is that Spencer transferred colleges, and he is only an hour and  half away from home. And he's really in his element. His only difficulty so far is the calculus professor who has
such a thick accent Spencer can't understand him. Spencer wrote down the notes the professor put on the board and took them to the math tutor. The math tutor couldn't decipher them either.
One of his fellow students stopped Spencer and thanked him for asking questions in class. Spencer says he tries to repeat back to the professor what he says in hopes that the professor will clarify. It sounds like Spencer is doing all the right things to be successful.
Grace is enjoying her final semester of college. She's living in a house near campus with three theater friends. She's auditioning for shows and spending time with friends.
She has come home the past few weekends, so our nest isn't empty on the weekend, but it's more like a girlfriend sleepover when Grace is here rather than having kids I have to take care of.
So, yes, my nest is technically empty, but my plate is still definitely full.

The Calm of September?

I say throughout my life that things will calm down soon. And they should.
Many things on my plate have slid off, if you will.
Two kids back in college.
Revisions to my novel completed and off to be edited.
Classes begun at both colleges where I teach.
I should now fall into the rhythm of a nearly empty-nest life. My 17-year-old is a senior in high school, and he asks for very little, except enough junk food in the house to keep him full. And it suddenly seems very important to him that I attend things like "back to school" night.
I begin my mornings with luxurious runs that I actually look forward to. I think I'm finally back in shape so I don't dread it.
This morning, after five miles, I decided I'd run to Starbucks to get coffee for me and Tucker. So I ran that 6th mile along a busy road, feeling strong and hopefully looking peppy in case anyone I knew should drive past.
The run this morning convinced me that I've recovered from my running attempts in Florida, which is just too hot and humid for summer runs. No wonder I never ran while we lived there.
Driving 1000 miles to drop Spencer off at school last Thursday and driving 1000 miles back on Monday took its toll. But it was nice to meet his friends and see the hole that is a dorm room where he will live for the year. His roommate is a stand-up guy named Christian who comes from Atlanta, Georgia and spends a lot of time volunteering. I'm hoping that rubs off on Spencer who has already investigated volunteering at a nearby state park along the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. He just has to figure out how to get there since he doesn't have a car.
Grace's life has changed greatly since she started college three years ago as a biology major at a college 10 hours away in north country New York. Then she changed to a language major, learning French, Italian and German. Now she has switched again, landing only about 20 minutes away from home and majoring in theater.
She's a dance minor because when she auditioned, the professors decided she'd be a perfect Rockette. They dragged her down to the office of a professor who once worked as a Rockette and that professor agreed. Grace now starts her mornings each week day with a dance class: ballet, modern or tap.
But the professors had another suggestion that she major in theater with an emphasis in opera, so that happened. She loves opera and credits years of opera camp for giving her the love of languages that she has.
In addition to a new college and new majors, she also was cast in a show that runs the first three weeks of October. She plays a 25-year-old secretary who has an affair with her boss and gets pregnant, but that's not the main conflict, just one of many in this original play called "Coming Out." They hope to move the play to off-Broadway next. Will Grace go with them?
At this point, I can only hold on for the ride.
Did I say things were calm in September? I'd better enjoy this sunny afternoon and try not to think about it.