Punished by Rewards

I read that book Punished by Rewards a long time ago, when my kids were little. It was easy for me to embrace it. Kids needed to accomplish things and explore things because they were curious and loved to learn. They didn't need parents or grades or candy as a reward for doing what they should do. During the years we homeschooled, I talked to my kids a lot about the intrinsic importance of learning. I never talked about the importance of grades.
And, of all the things I said that my kids ignored, for some reason, they adopted this idea, even after they started school. I tried to explain that if they were going to join the "system" then they had to play by the system's rules. They needed to work hard to get good grades. All three of them have felt that minimal work for a B is smarter than a lot of work for an A. They don't work hard at school. They don't study hard. Their GPAs always seem to hover around 3.4 -- not quite enough to get on the honor roll.
They haven't shyed away from taking honors classes, but they seem content to receive Bs in their honors classes.
Finally, as my second kid is getting ready to graduate, I've made the connection between grades and finances. The better grades my kids get, the more help I'm going to get for them from colleges. Now, this may not be true with public universities, but it is with private colleges that offer aid to middle class families.
That's why, last night, as the third quarter of the school year draws to a close, I offered both of my boys $100 if they'll make the honor roll during 4th quarter. With Spencer, it's just a matter of keep his GPA where it is when he graduates. With Tucker, as a sophomore, there's a chance he could graduate with honors and put more dollars in my pocket when he goes off to college.
I was surprised to hear both boys say they would be happy to take up the challenge. Spencer even took his backpack with him to do homework when he headed off to Kasey's garage where they talk about existentialism and the mysteries of girls.
So, yes, I have become that person who offers her kids money for good grades. I am punishing them with monetary rewards when they should be embracing the intrinsic values of learning.
As Bugs Bunny would say, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Anything's Possible

Listening to a radio program tonight as I fixed dinner, the author of the book The Genius in All of Us inspired me. David Shenk talked about things like: there isn't a math gene that makes some people good at it; child prodigies are excellent at their talent compared to other children, but not usually compared to other adults. And all of these skills are things that people learn through practice.
They try; they hit a wall because they don't have the skill; they learn the skill; they go back and succeed.
Truly, isn't that, plus a drive to succeed, all that any of us need.
The ideas this author talked about encouraged me as a mother, teacher and a writer.
I've seen that drive and skill seesaw in Spencer. He loves basketball. The more he plays, the better he gets. He needed a different body type so he spent the summer lifting weights to give him more bulk under the basket. Of course, he's lucky that he's tall. No amount of working out could have added the height to him. Spencer doesn't believe that he can play basketball in college, but if he continues to work at it, who knows? This book says talent is developed, not innate. The example the author used was Michael Jordan, who was not supposed to be as good at basketball as his older brother. What was his name again?
As a teacher, sometimes I feel that students are so disadvantaged they can never catch up. Just last quarter though, I had a student, Paul, in his 40s. He'd been in the military and he was taking my English 101 class. His first paper was bad. He couldn't write in complete sentences. I handed back essays and I gave a speech to him and other struggling students. "The resources are available to help you pass this class if it's what you want." and "It's always easier to move forward now and to pass rather than to take the class again." Paul spent the quarter getting one on one help for each of his essays. By the time we wrote the in-class final, he was writing in complete sentences and his essays were unified. He decided to focus on English and he learned the skills that he never had when he was a teenager in school.
As a writer, well, people have always told me I was a good writer, and that might have been my downfall. Because I already believed that I was good at it, I haven't worked on it the way I should. Now I find myself looking at sections of my novel and I envision slashing through them, rewriting them. I picture the scenes and wonder how I can help the reader see the same thing in my head. I have submitted my manuscripts and had them rejected. That means my choices are to stop writing or to learn more skill sets that will help me succeed.
This book puts to bed the argument of nature versus nurture. Everyone can do anything if they are willing to put in the time and have the opportunity to learn the skills.
Photo from Amazon.com

The Homeschooling Experiment

This is a picture that a newspaper photographer took of my children and their friends playing football in a field with the OSU football stadium in the background. The picture was taken in 2006 which was a much simpler time for us, because we were still homeschooling. We spent our afternoons at rec centers like this one, hanging out with friends and we spent the rest of the day at libraries or museums or parks learning things we were interested in. Lest I forget, there were mornings spent at the dining room table with the kids complaining about their math work too.
We homeschooled for nine years and my three children began school two years ago. The first year Grace went to school, as a sophomore, she had to take the Ohio Graduation Test. She passed everything. Right then and there, I declared homeschooling a success. She had learned all she needed at home to pass the graduation test. Success.
Now, two years in, I find myself chafing at this straightjacket called school. What set me off was the letter from the principal that said the 8th grade trip to Washington, DC was going to be rescheduled for after the school year ended so it didn't interfere with classroom time, among other reasons. As if the only time students could possibly learn anything is when their butts are attached to a wooden chair.
Then NPR had a guest on who was talking about what makes people successful. That set me off too. Kids (and adults) should try something new and be willing to fail, he said. Our kids are not allowed to fail anything in school. The guest said that kids should be encouraged to think creatively. How will they become problem solvers when they are told there's a right way and a wrong way to do things? Ooooh. I hate that kids are being spoonfed information rather than jumping into learning.
Homeschooling is the reason that Grace became interested in opera. No, maybe she would have become interested anyway, but it's the reason she had time to explore it. She heard a children's version of Mozart's Magic Flute. She told me she'd like to hear the original. It led to other operas, plus opera camp, and an interest in German, Italian and French. Finally, she got to appear in the children's chorus of Hansel and Gretel when OperaColumbus performed it. She still listens to "weird" music -- opera, and celtic music, and the tech band Ozone from Moldova.
Homeschooling is the reason that Spencer became a chess whiz. At Borders one day, he saw a beginning chess set and book. I bought it for him and together we studied the different ways to move the pieces. Just a few months later, we were at a friend's house and I said, "Let's go, Spence."
"Just a minute, Mom," he said. "Three more moves and I'll have him in checkmate."
I had no idea that people planned ahead in chess. I had no idea that my six-year-old could see the strategy like that. It led to chess clubs and trips to Nashville and Pittsburgh for national chess tournaments.
Tucker's love of dinosaurs. His interest in how things are made and historical facts. They all come from giving kids time to learn what they are interested in. This summer, Tucker has spent his days on youtube, searching for instructional videos that show how to play specific songs on the guitar. That will end when he returns to school and he is told now he must learn about American history and algebra.
For two years now, my kids have been treading water. They've been told they aren't good at subjects they previously felt passionate about, and they believed the teachers. They've had some good teachers -- an enthusiastic biology 2 teacher, and very involved French teacher, but overall, my kids have stagnated in school.
Our frequent vacations have ended. No more two-week respites at my parents' house in Florida with afternoons on the sand as we figure out the physics of waves and building sand bridges or digging holes in the sand. Instead, we juggle the school schedule with the basketball practice and swim practice and the quarter schedule of the college where I teach.
Next week, my kids return to school. I haven't tried to convince them to stay home. As a matter of fact, I told Grace she had to go for her senior year to make sure she's competent at meeting deadlines. I know Spencer wouldn't consider staying home because he is focused on basketball season. I'm not sure I would want Tucker to stay home since his current favorite activity is debating me on any subject that I might have an opinion, including bedtime, showers and television.
So, my kids will go back to school, but I'll be at the Washington DC trip meeting to voice my opinion. And if my kids have another teacher whose intention is to show them how dumb they are, I'll step up again, and maybe that teacher won't be coming back to school.